“Wherever you go, there you are” Jon Kabbit Zen, this quote IS lesson 4.
My walk ended on May 22. I finished my walk to Santiago de Compostela and had planned to continue for 4 days out to Fisterra, but on the day that I finished my walk, I knew in my heart I would need transition time between ending my walk and heading back to society. I reserved myself a rental car from my hotel room and bused myself to the airport to pick it up the next day. I rented a lovely little room right on the sea and drove myself out to the coast of Spain. That, in itself, was its own little adventure.
The hotel had been recommended to me by a pilgrim a few towns before Santiago, it was small, but oh so charming. My balcony looked out over the sea and was the main road into Fisterra where pilgrims from Santiago would pass by as they headed out to the rocky cliffs at the “end of the earth”. It was wonderful to see and connect with many of the people I had shared a journey with throughout my 34 days of walking. Loving the memories that all of those beautiful souls provided me.
Fisterra was a place for me to put it all together, why had I walked, what I had Iearned, a time to reflect on it all, I had filled 2 notebooks on the journey and 1 in Fisterra, there was a lot of reflection. The sea was fierce and that was just what I needed, the sea to churn me up on the inside so I could truly see what this journey had been for me.
My emotions were as wild as the sea, sadness because it was ending, elation because I longed to see my family, and disappointment because it wasn’t the Camino I had pictured.
I had the book title in my head at the beginning of the walk, “ A pilgrims journey, I lost the weight and found myself. I really had expected that over the course of the 34 days I would lose 50 pounds and cure my diabetes. Didn’t happen.
I also am painfully shy in social situations, but I was sure that I was going to be someone new and different and talk to everyone I saw, get to know their story, and then move on. I did none of that either. I enjoy being on my own so much I believe I put out that vibe, but I also didn’t go out of my way to make friends.
I pondered why in my journal for days, and on a level, I really didn’t understand then, but do now, I TOOK ME ON THE PATH.
No matter where I go, I am still with me. Real positive change in who I was or my personality was going to take more than 800km alone. Realizing this, that even such a big journey, was not enough for me to work to change the inner landscape of who I wanted myself to be, was actually what changed me.
Walking the Camino cleared out space and the cobwebs that had built up over my life, but the real work wouldn’t begin until I got home. Much of it not until this year. I can see so clearly my learnings from the Camino, I can see where my walk has continued since I got home, as many said it would. I can see the changes that I have made in my life since that time, and they are phenomenal. They may not be visible to the naked eye but I know I am changed.
We are going to take ourselves with us wherever we go, no amount of moving, changing the environment or the people in our lives is going to change us, it can only be the catalyst for great change. The rest of the work is in your inner sanctum and maybe some help from God.
Wherever you go, there you are. YOU CAN’T OUTRUN YOU. I invite you to stand in your own magnificence and know that there is nothing wrong with you, you don’t need to run from you. Small steps in the direction of who you desire to be will create the butterfly effect in your life and one day you will realize it was inside of you all along.
In love light and laughter
Here are the links to the previous blog posts and a link to my Camino on Facebook.
Karen’s Camino Facebook